Standing on the Ledge
by makodreamafar
Summary: Justin realizes that Brian is trying to throw him off of his cliff. This is a companion fic to "The Brian Kinney Cliff."


A/N This is a companion fic to The Brian Kinney Cliff. Although it is not necessary to read the other story to understand this, the stories go together. Also I am looking for a beta.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Brian was always saving people, he was always sacrificing himself. It was one of the things that made Justin love him and made Justin want to slam Brian's head into a wall. Sure Brian was allowed to save people but he was never allowed to be saved. It was such bullshit. Sometimes Brian needed to be saved, sometimes the brunette needed someone to stand beside him. However helping Brian is a tricky thing. He wouldn't accept help if he knew it was coming. In fact the man would run from the help.

The main problem with Brian though was the fact that even when he was about to fall off a cliff, he wouldn't ask anyone to grab his hand. He would rather fall. It was infuriating. The worst part though was the fact that no one seemed to notice that Brian needed help. Everyone expected Brian to be ok-because come on he was, in the words of Michael, "Brian Kinney for fucks sake." Yeah and Brian Kinney was just a man. Justin knew that better than anyone. He had seen Brian at his worst and he had seen Brian at his best. He had stood beside him when the entire world turned away in disgust and he had held his hand when Brian told the world to fuck off.

That wasn't to say that Justin hadn't made mistakes, he had made plenty of them. He had given up on their relationship more than once. He had turned his back on Brian. He would never forgive himself for those times. Justin would never stop regretting hurting Brian with the power that only he held over the older man. When he thought back to Ethan it made him sick to his stomach. The sweet music, the flowery words, they were as fake as the ring that Ethan had gave him. In the end all that was left was a dark smudge on his heart and a green line around his finger.

Brian had never promised him anything. Brian had never lied to him but he had lied to Brian. Oh he realized later that Brian had shoved him off a cliff, had driven him into Ethan's arms. He didn't realize that till later though. He had been too blinded by the hurt that had raced through him. He had, for some reason, lost hold of his Brian Kinney Manuel. He had lost sight of the rule that said that Brian Kinney was a self-sacrificing bastard…That son-of-a-bitch.

Justin dropped his bag his eyes wide before they narrowed into slits. "You stupid…" behind him people were whining, in front of him a flight attendant was holding out her hand for his ticket. Brian fucking Kinney-that bastard was trying to push him off a fucking cliff. Like hell Justin was going to let him. Reaching down he wrapped his fingers around the edge of the black strap to his bag and hefted it up, a sketchpad and pencils shifting inside of the material. Justin then did the most important thing he had ever done in his life, he stepped out of the line. People shifted forward and the attendant took their tickets but Justin didn't take note of any of it.

Shifting his bag onto his shoulder he wrapped his hand around the strap and strode across the terminal. Several voices called out to him and he sped up not wanting to deal with his "family" the people who had nearly let him make the biggest mistake of his life-even bigger than Ethan. The voices came closer and Justin broke into a run diving between people as his sneakers slapped against the linoleum. He hit a few people in the crowd but didn't stop to apologize, he just kept running. Brian had lost his mind if he thought that Justin was just going to leave him again-that he was going to fall off of that damned cliff again.

The automatic doors opened and Justin skidded out of them his shoes grabbing purchase on the cement. A yellow taxi caught his gaze like a beacon of light in the darkness and he opened the door quickly sliding onto the leather seat the door slamming closed behind him. "Six Fuller Court, corner of Tremont," the address slipped from his lips as a blond woman exited the airport a group of people following after her. Their eyes were scanning the area and suddenly the blond woman's eyes slammed into Justin's as the cab pulled from the area, leaving her and the rest of Justin's family standing there.

Letting the bag slide onto the seat Justin leaned his head back watching the airport grow distant. How many times had he saved Brian from himself? How many times had he gone behind Brian's back and forced the man's life back into place? Brian thought that he always had to be the hero-that he was the only one who could fix things. Sometimes he was right. Sometimes though, Brian needed to be saved, that was Justin's job, his self appointed duty.

It had all started with Michael. Justin had stood by Brian while his friends cursed Brian's name and called him a selfish asshole. Justin could see the truth though-he could see the pain that Brian was going through. He could see the sacrifice that Brian was making. He could see Brian cutting a part of his heart out. Justin did the only thing he could-he stopped the knife. He begged and coerced Michael back into Brian's life. He saved Brian. It was from that point on that Justin knew what he had to do-he had to do the thing that no one else would-he had to save Brian from himself.

Sometimes saving Brian meant being cruel, manipulative and putting himself in danger. Kip was one of those times. Justin forced the man to drop the lawsuit knowing that when he went to the man's apartment that he would be at Kip's mercy. It was a bold and unbelievably stupid move. Kip could have done anything to him. He could have easily killed Justin. He could have snapped Justin's neck or choked the life out of him. Justin was counting on the fact that Kip was a coward though, he was counting on the fact that Kip wouldn't be thinking clearly. Justin could have easily died and no one would have been the wiser because no one knew where he was. Luckily though Kip had went down easily, the coward had given into his demands without a second thought. Brian had never found out how he was saved and Justin preferred it that way.

Even when he wasn't with Brian he couldn't let the man fall. Brian's nephew was a homophobic brat who Justin would have gladly sent to some sort of a military school-one where they had corporal punishment. The cowry shell bracelet had stuck like a sore thumb on the boys wrist, at least it did to Justin. After pointing out the bracelet to Carl and the brat's mother the boy had crumbled and admitted that he lied. It was one of Justin's more complicated rescues. He would have made sure that Brian never knew what he'd done if he could have but Carl had insisted that Justin be the one to return the bracelet. It had been one of the hardest things he had ever done. Brian was standing there and Justin could tell that the other man was in pain-that Brian was hurting as badly as he was. Then Brian shoved him away verbally and Justin had left. He didn't save Brian.

Sometimes there was no one else involved. When Brian had cancer he had pushed Justin away, he invoked the right of a martyr. Justin wouldn't let him kill himself though. Brian hadn't been doing anyone any favors by keeping the cancer a secret and pushing his lover away from him. Justin had made sure that Brian knew it; he had forced Brian to let him take care of him. Despite the protests he had rubbed the back of Brian's neck when the man had been vomiting, he had wiped Brian's forehead with a damp cloth and had forced him to eat soup. Justin had saved Brian from himself again. Now he was going to have to do the same thing.

The cab pulled up to the building and Justin reached into his wallet pulling out the proper bills before shoving it at the male and darting from the yellow vehicle. The sun beat down on him as he hurried to the building slipping his key into the lock before shoving the door open. He was grateful now that he had been allowed to keep his keys. Justin pounded his hand on the button for the elevator opening it and slamming the guard down. Another button was pressed and Justin shifted from foot to foot. What was he going to say to Brian? Oh he was pissed-possibly the most pissed off he had ever been. What the fuck did Brian think he was doing? Did he think that Justin was going to thank him for throwing their relationship away? Did he honestly believe that Justin was going to be happier without him? It was a load of bullshit and he was going to make sure that Brian knew that.

The elevator whirred to a stop and Justin lifted the guard before making his way to the door forcing his key into the lock and sliding the door open, his mouth open to let loose berating words. Then he saw Brian, he heard him. Brian was crying-no he was sobbing. A bottle of liquor was in the other man's hand, tears were spilling down his cheeks. All the anger disappeared and Justin let his bag slip from his shoulder to land softly on the floor. He was surprised that Brian hadn't noticed the door opening but then a part of him wasn't surprised; Brian looked as if he didn't notice anything. The man was trapped in his own self-made hell and it tore at Justin's heart. Why did Brian do this to himself-why did the man think that this was going to make anyone happy?

Justin moved closer taking in the scene a bit more. Their rings were sitting on the table in their case; Brian had his shirt off and a pair of loose sweat pants hung low around his hips. Justin would bet anything that Brian hadn't showered. That as soon as Justin had left the loft he had picked up the bottle and started to drink himself into a stupor. Brian Kinney pain management 101.

Shaking his head Justin knelt next to the man letting his face hover above Brian's as he cupped the brunette's cheek. Hazel eyes snapped open and Justin stared into them moving his head as Brian moved his, never breaking their eye contact. Justin moved his thumb stroking over the strong cheekbone as he looked into the confused eyes. Brain started to whisper his name and Justin pushed his finger onto the alcohol drenched lips. Brian wasn't going to say anything. The bastard wasn't going to ask him what he was doing here; he wasn't going to tell Justin that he needed to leave.

Reaching toward the table Justin grabbed their rings before examining them closely. Brian hadn't gotten rid of them because they were a reminder of what he wanted; what he had lost. It was the bloody scarf all over again. Taking the rings from the velvet cushion Justin slipped the smaller ring onto his finger. The metal was cool on his finger and it felt as if it belonged there. Justin grabbed Brian's hand next lifting it so that it was in both of their views. There wasn't a moment of hesitation or a moment where Justin wondered if what he was doing was the right thing. The blond pushed the ring down onto Brian's finger and smiled, "I'm onto you Brian Kinney."

He would save Brian from his own cliff-he would always save Brian because he was the only one who could.

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